A Quiet Breakup, and the Strange Calm That Followed

 Your calm words about ending things actually made me feel relieved.

It was selfish, but I felt fortunate that I didn’t have to tell you about my illness and hospitalization.

“It’s my fault.”

You were the one who chose the breakup, but it was also for me.

My past breakups were always unkind and cold. Like in song lyrics, they came suddenly without even a proper goodbye.

So your words felt like a new experience to me.

“Thank you. Take care.”

As if we had promised, we said the exact same words. I cried, but you didn’t.

That night, I must have fallen asleep after tossing and turning, quietly sobbing all night. When I opened my eyes, it was already dawn. I hadn’t slept well, but strangely, I felt refreshed. Just a few hours ago, I had been crying.

There’s a drama these days called Yumi's Cells. It shows different emotional “cells” representing the main character’s feelings and leading the story.

It feels like my emotional cell has gone into a long winter sleep.

There’s no way my thoughts could have been fully sorted out in such a short sleep.

While writing this, my emotions were overwhelming, but now I feel okay.

I wondered if you slept well. Did you wake up as if nothing had happened and start your new daily life?

I lowered my head because I couldn’t watch you turn around and walk away after letting go of my hand.

There were times when I couldn’t take my eyes off you, even on a moving subway or bus. Now even that feels like a luxury.

Will I regret my choice not to hold onto you?

As I organized the messages and photos on my phone, I watched our love disappear along with the delete button.

Is this how breakups happen in an instant?

Even as I get older, breakups are still difficult.

“Eat well, and stay healthy.”

Now that we are middle-aged, we worried about each other’s physical strength.

I can almost hear your voice imitating my soft way of speaking.