The Day I Let You Go on a Beautiful Spring Afternoon

 I once had this thought.

“What if we break up without getting married? Let me only be a little sad.”

My unconscious turned into reality.

Today, we met like any ordinary couple. We had lunch, went to a café, and enjoyed chatting. Since you like walking, I followed you around, holding your hand as we wandered.

While eating, you kindly put food onto my plate. At the café, you recommended a delicious drink and made me laugh.

It was a slightly chilly but beautiful spring day, and we spent it together.

We sat on a bench with a nice view in the forest and talked. After some hesitation, you said to me,

“I think we should stop seeing each other.”

I felt anxious because I couldn’t clearly picture our future. Still, I liked you, so I couldn’t let go of the end of our relationship.

“Okay.”

You asked if I had anything to say to you, but I couldn’t answer. With tears in my eyes, I gently touched your face, knowing I might never see you again. Your warmth hadn’t faded, but I accepted the breakup.

“You’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

I swallowed my tears and spoke word by word. I truly hoped things would go well for you. If things go well, could we meet again someday?

“Thank you for everything. I’m sorry if I made things hard for you. Take care.”

After I said that, you couldn’t get up for a while and just sat there. I suggested we stand up together, but we couldn’t.

Fluffy clouds floated in the sky, and sunlight shined through them.

On such a beautiful day, I broke up with you.

Looking at you, who gave kindness and warmth to my sensitive and anxious life, I kept tearing up.

What would have happened if I had held onto you?

When I got home, it was quiet. Very quiet. The books, dolls, and small gifts you gave me were piled up.

What did I ever do for you? I felt sorry.

There are still so many things I haven’t told you, but we ended like this.

I’m sad that I won’t be able to celebrate your upcoming birthday. Still, I’m relieved you didn’t know about my thyroid cancer.

I hope you’re not too sad. Let’s both learn how to handle this breakup bravely.

Of course, I’ll only be a little sad.

I won’t forget your bright smile and your eyes. And I’m grateful for everything that protected me during that time.

My journey of letting you go begins now.