레이블이 디지털노마드인 게시물을 표시합니다. 모든 게시물 표시
레이블이 디지털노마드인 게시물을 표시합니다. 모든 게시물 표시

2026년 5월 8일 금요일

Insurance, Anxiety, and Gratitude After Thyroid Cancer Surgery

 

Feeling Exhausted After Thyroid Cancer Surgery

Maybe it is just my imagination. Or maybe it is because part of my body was removed after thyroid cancer surgery. These days, I feel extremely tired.
After spending two months going back and forth to the hospital like it was my second home, it feels like all my energy has been drained.

I have private health insurance. I only recently learned how to file claims properly, so it has not even been that long since I started using it.
The insurance fee gets withdrawn every month, and the amount is not small. One of the two insurance plans my mother signed up for in the past has already expired.

After being diagnosed with thyroid cancer, I once received a phone call from an insurance company.
Normally, I ignore or avoid those kinds of calls, but for some reason, I pressed the answer button that day.

A woman with a very energetic voice excitedly explained the benefits of a new insurance plan for a long time.
I quietly listened until she finished, then casually asked,

“Can a person with cancer still sign up for insurance?”

The woman, who had been speaking kindly until then, sounded embarrassed for a moment before replying,

“It would also be good for your other family members to join.”

It was funny.
What I really needed was right now, but I could not sign up anymore.
There were now restrictions on insurance because of my cancer diagnosis.

Insurance Calls I Never Wanted

The insurance agent I already had also called several times to recommend new insurance plans for other family members except me.
She probably checked the records showing that I had filed insurance claims related to thyroid cancer.

I never told my parents that I had cancer.
But during one phone call, the agent suddenly said,

“The second daughter cannot join even if she wants to.”

I was shocked inside.
She was truly an unhelpful insurance agent.

My mother probably could not understand why my older sister could sign up but I could not.
Fortunately, she did not ask too many questions, so she still does not know even now.

Feeling anxious, I checked my older sister’s insurance coverage again.
There was a policy that only covered her until the age of eighty, even though people now talk about living to one hundred.
Still, the actual coverage itself was not bad.

Taking advantage of the situation, the insurance agent recommended another policy with strong cancer coverage.
But because there were already existing insurance payments, I felt burdened and could not continue with the contract in the end.

Why Do People Buy Insurance?

“Why do people buy insurance?”

I asked myself that simple question.
The answer was anxiety.

Insurance is really just insurance.
You pay every month like a savings plan, and if you get sick, you receive compensation.
Of course, it is best not to get sick, but health is something nobody can predict.

Until the very end, I recommended that my older sister choose a policy with longer coverage.
But later, I concluded that adding more insurance out of fear alone would only be a waste since she already had existing coverage.

I found it funny that I was already afraid of illnesses that had not even happened yet.

Aggressive Insurance Sales Still Feel Uncomfortable

Not long after my mother was discharged from the hospital due to a subarachnoid hemorrhage, the insurance agent once told me,

“If you had signed up for the insurance I recommended before, you could have received more money.”

This time, she said something similar again.

“If you had changed your insurance before, you could have received more compensation.”

I understand what she meant.
But at the same time, I could not stop wondering,

“Do people really need to sell insurance that aggressively?”

Maybe Two Good Insurance Plans Are Enough

I think having two solid insurance plans is probably enough.
To be honest, I do not know much about insurance.
Most of the plans were signed up for by my mother, not by my own choice.

I feel truly grateful to her.

“Thank you.”

2026년 5월 7일 목요일

Returning to the Hospital Three Weeks After Thyroid Cancer Surgery

 

A Hospital Visit After Three Weeks

It has already been three weeks since I was hospitalized and underwent surgery for thyroid cancer. My first outpatient appointment after discharge was scheduled for 4 PM, so I left home early after having a late breakfast and lunch. Before meeting the doctor, I needed to get a blood test done. Even the hospital guide recommended arriving at least two hours before the appointment.

As I walked alone to the bus stop, the air felt chilly. Maybe because the heat arrived early this year, the air conditioners were already running inside the buses. I still felt cold from the breeze, so I turned off the air vent above me and adjusted my clothes properly.

The hospital I visited again after a long time was still crowded with people. I took a number ticket, paid the registration fee, and went up to the second floor for the blood test. You would think I would be used to it by now, but the needle piercing the vein still stings every time.

While making another payment, a staff member told me to stop by the discharge desk as well. I took another number and waited.

When I was discharged, I had paid around 1.9 million won by card. At the time, they explained that the total hospital bill could later increase or decrease depending on the final calculation. After checking again, the amount was reduced to around 500,000 won, so the previous payment was canceled and processed again.

Once again, I felt grateful for the Korean National Health Insurance system.

At the same time, a thought crossed my mind.
"Should I be happier that the hospital bill decreased, or that it was not a more serious cancer?"

Waiting Time Inside the Hospital

There was still plenty of time before my appointment, so I went to the administration office and issued the hospitalization confirmation documents and detailed medical expense statements needed for insurance claims.

As I organized the pile of papers in my hands, I opened Wonderful Land by Douglas Kennedy to help pass the time.

It has already been two months since I first started coming to the hospital, including the mammotome procedure. During that time, I could barely read books. I could not concentrate, and even turning the pages felt difficult. Now that the end is finally beginning to appear, I am trying to regain some peace of mind by reading at least a few pages.

A Small Gift for the Doctor

I bought some bread from the bakery inside the hospital. Since I did not know what the doctor would like, I picked several kinds and wrote a short memo before heading toward the consultation room.

I remembered the first time I met the doctor. He was extremely strict and professional, leaving no room for small talk. At first, I felt a little hurt by that coldness. But he has remained the same throughout the entire process. I wanted him to take even a brief moment of rest while eating something sweet, so I handed over the small gift.

From diagnosis to surgery, everything moved quickly because of him. I wrote my gratitude briefly on the note.

Thankfully, although I have cancer, there is no metastasis to other areas. I received two weeks’ worth of medication and some medicine to help with wound recovery.

Rainy Evening on the Way Home

I have to return to the hospital again in two weeks.

There will be another blood test, and that day I also need to visit the orthopedic department.

When I stepped outside, rain was falling steadily. The sky had already been cloudy when I left home earlier, but eventually the rain began. I bought a transparent umbrella at the convenience store inside the hospital and walked outside.

I was hungry. After receiving my prescription medicine from a pharmacy outside the hospital, I headed home.

Back to my warm home.

2026년 5월 3일 일요일

Back to Work After Medical Leave: My First Day Returning to Coupang Logistics Center

 

Returning After Two Months of Medical Leave

My two-month medical leave has come to an end.
Last Saturday, I returned to work at the Coupang logistics center.

It felt unfamiliar walking to the shuttle bus stop again.

There was one noticeable change. The shuttle routes had been merged, so the distance from my home to the stop became longer. For me, the biggest benefit of this job was being able to take the shuttle right in front of my house. It’s unfortunate, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

While waiting for the shuttle, it didn’t feel real that I was going back to work. The bus was already full of workers like me heading to the logistics center.

As we got closer, it slowly started to sink in.


The Same Place, Slightly Different

I checked in using Coupunch and walked through the hallway on the second floor where the lockers are located.

Before the morning shift, many contract and short-term workers were sitting on the hallway chairs.
The atmosphere was still busy, and everyone looked tired.

As I was heading to my locker, a coworker called my name.
I stopped and we greeted each other.

Seeing a familiar face after two months made me unexpectedly emotional.
I almost cried.


Back on the Floor

I went down to the first floor.

The logistics center had changed slightly while I was away.
But one thing remained the same — the constant noise inside.

In the morning, I was assigned to picking because inbound shipments had not arrived yet.

Maybe because my leave was long, everything felt unfamiliar.
There were many new workers as well.
To them, I might have looked like a new employee too.


Changes in Work Process

The picking task didn’t last long.
I normally work in inbound system processing at Ichiri Receive.

During my absence, some processes had changed:

  • Emergency cards are now applied only to picking and buffer, not all totes
  • A separate Prime workstation has been created
  • The hourly inbound target has increased

I’ll organize these changes in detail in a future post.


Physical Limits After Surgery

Since I had just been discharged, I felt a pulling sensation in my neck whenever I handled heavy packages.

This was different from doing house chores.
The pain felt more intense than expected, which caught me off guard.

On my first day back, my lower back and legs also hurt.

There was a 30-minute overtime shift, but I chose to leave early to avoid overworking myself.


Heat, Fatigue, and Mixed Emotions

Even though it’s only May, the logistics center was already hot.
Summer hasn’t even started yet, and it’s already this warm.

On my way home, I felt exhausted.
But at the same time, it felt strange in a good way — working again and earning money after a long break.


Recovery Is Still Ongoing

My body still needs time to fully heal, but overall, it didn’t cause major issues at work.

Next week is lighter:

  • A public holiday (May 5)
  • My regular day off
  • An external training schedule

Except for two days, I’ll mostly be resting.

I’ve already applied for a health leave on Monday.
Also, I have my first outpatient appointment since discharge scheduled that week.

I haven’t seen my surgical scar yet.
Before leaving the hospital, I was told to remove the bandage myself on May 4.

Honestly, I’m a little scared to face it.


Conclusion

Anyway, I’m back at Coupang.

2026년 5월 1일 금요일

Last Day of Sick Leave, Writing at Starbucks Before Returning to Work

 

Last Day of Sick Leave

Today marks the final day of my two-month sick leave.
Looking back, it feels like all I did was go to the hospital. Of course, I had time to rest and even relax, but my mind was never fully at ease.
Just like that, around 60 days have passed.

Fortunately, my body has been recovering faster than I expected.
I just hope the surgical wound continues to heal well.


Writing at Starbucks

I’m sitting at Starbucks, sipping a warm caramel milk latte and writing this.
There is a sense of calm, but at the same time, worry quietly lingers in the background.

Will I be able to go back to work and handle the physical demands like before?
That’s my problem—I tend to create unnecessary worries.

Outside, the wind is strong.
There’s rain forecasted for the weekend, so maybe that’s why.


Thoughts Before Returning to Work

My return to work is just around the corner.
Next week, with my regular days off, delayed external training, and a public holiday combined, I’ll only be working three days.
It will be an on-and-off schedule.

I’ll have to decide whether to take a day off depending on my physical condition.
It almost feels like everything is aligning to give me more time to rest.


Uncertainty About Approval

However, my return-to-work approval hasn’t been processed yet.
I’m not sure if I need to visit HR in person to submit original documents.

I tried contacting them through the administrative number, but there was no response.
It’s probably because of Labor Day.

So what does that mean?
Should I just go to work?
Or does it mean I shouldn’t?


Mixed Feelings

The inside of the café is as noisy as my thoughts.
Since it’s a public holiday, the place is crowded.

But no matter how noisy it is here, it probably can’t compare to the warehouse floor at Coupang.
Strangely, thinking about going back to work after a long time brings a bit of excitement.


Keep Writing

I now have 29 posts on Brunch.
If I publish one more tomorrow, it will be 30.

Compared to before, writing longer posts doesn’t come as easily.
But I’ll keep going until the day my writing becomes smoother and more natural again.

2026년 4월 30일 목요일

Thyroid Cancer Recovery Day 6, Returning to Daily Life and Waiting for Work Approval

 

Waiting for Coupang Return Approval 

I applied to return to work at Coupang starting May 1st, but the approval hasn’t gone through on Coupang Punch.

Does this mean I shouldn’t go to work?

Maybe it’s actually a good thing. I still have a wound on my neck, after all.
I’ll wait a bit longer and then contact HR if needed.


Thyroid Cancer Surgery Recovery Day 6 

It has been six days since I was discharged after thyroid cancer surgery.

I still can’t believe that I had cancer.

Surprisingly, I’m able to maintain my daily life without much difficulty.
Of course, everyone’s condition is different, but I feel truly fortunate.

I want to give credit to myself for consistently going through annual health check-ups.


Morning Walk and Appetite Returning 

I went for a walk again this morning.

I didn’t have much of an appetite, so I just went outside.
But after one lap, I suddenly felt hungry.

Humans are funny like that.
So easily changing, like leaves swaying in the wind.

My sister made some delicious stir-fried kimchi, and I served myself a small portion of rice.
But as I kept eating, my appetite came back, and I ended up finishing almost half a bowl.


A Program That Comforted Me 

Over the past two months, while going in and out of the hospital, there was one program that gave me a lot of comfort.

It was the MBC variety show
놀면 뭐하니?.

I don’t usually watch TV shows, but watching the episodes uploaded on YouTube naturally made me laugh.

During that time, I could laugh out loud without holding back.

These days, “놀면 뭐하니?” fills my dopamine.


Gratitude for Family and Writing 

Of course, I can’t forget my sister who took care of me.

She has always been there for me.

I’m also grateful for
브런치.

It gave me the title of “writer,” and that’s why I’m able to write long posts like this.

When I look back at what I’ve written, it feels a bit cringeworthy.
But at the same time, I’m happy that I was able to record my emotions.

Maybe someday in the future, it will feel even more meaningful.


Closing Thoughts 

I hope that you, who are reading this, also find it interesting.

Thank you.

2026년 4월 29일 수요일

A Day When I Didn’t Feel Like Doing Anything

 There are days when I don’t feel like doing anything.

On days like this, I once saw somewhere that it’s good to start with something easy and take care of it one by one.

I packed two pastries I bought yesterday at Costco and a probiotic drink, and went out for a walk.
It’s hard to leave the house, but once I step outside, I can get some sunlight and feel like I’m becoming healthier.

After coming back home, I prepared lunch for my dad and put the clothes in the laundry basket into the washing machine.
I washed a round of dishes that had piled up, and took the clothes from the drying rack and put them into the drawer.

Today is Wednesday, which means it’s trash collection day.

I vacuumed the living room, took out a standard garbage bag, gathered all the trash in the house, and tied it up.
There was some messy waste paper, so I cleaned it up neatly as well.

It wasn’t perfect everywhere I touched, but it felt like things were getting organized, and I felt satisfied.

I also submitted my dad’s insurance documents through a mobile app, which I had been putting off because it was annoying.
After doing it, it was nothing special, but I only applied today after delaying it.

I was going to take my work shoes that I wear at Coupang to the laundry shop before going to work.
But when I heard it would take up to 3 days, I turned back. I guess I’ll just wash them at home.

I only had bread in the morning and skipped lunch, so I got hungry.
I came home and cooked Samyang ramen and even mixed rice into it.
Once I felt full, it somehow felt like I could start something again.

I still have a wound on my neck, so I can’t take a refreshing shower yet,
but I washed my hair and cleaned myself roughly.

Once I wash like this and come out, I feel good and my body feels lighter.

So I diligently wrote down what I did today.

I only did easy things, but it’s already evening.
Time really flies.

Day 4 After Discharge: Adjusting Back to Daily Life After Thyroid Cancer Surgery

 

Day 4 After Discharge

It has already been four days since I was discharged from the hospital.

After the thyroid cancer surgery, my neck still doesn’t quite feel like my own. Depending on my posture, swallowing feels slightly uncomfortable. Other than that, nothing has changed much. The discharge papers mentioned that these are common post-surgery symptoms.

There’s one more thing—I still can’t take a refreshing shower comfortably.


Changes in Appetite and Medication

I usually don’t eat breakfast, but since the surgery, my appetite has decreased even more.

The hospital prescribed two weeks’ worth of medication, including painkillers and medicine for digestion and phlegm. The pharmacist told me I don’t have to take the painkillers if I’m not in pain. Since my digestion seems fine, I’m considering not taking those either.

I don’t know what lies ahead, but I’m relieved that none of the medications are hormone-related.


Preparing to Return to Work

Today, I tried to submit my return-to-work application to Coupang through Coupunch. However, I couldn’t proceed because the system wouldn’t allow me to move to the May calendar.

I’ll try again tomorrow. It would be easier if HR handled it, but apparently, the process has changed.


Trying to Get Back Into Routine

I need to eat well before going back to work, but I just don’t feel like eating.

These days, I’m practicing waking up early again. When I work at Coupang, I usually wake up at 5:30 a.m. For the past two days, I’ve managed to wake up when the alarm goes off, but my body still feels heavy.

By 8 or 9 p.m., I already feel sleepy.


Thoughts

Is the “patient mindset” something I’m putting on myself?

Or am I creating unnecessary worries?

I don’t know.

But somehow, things will work out.

2026년 4월 28일 화요일

Returning to Work After Thyroid Cancer Surgery: 3 Days After Discharge

 

“I Am Fit to Return to Work”

Last March, I was hospitalized for three days and two nights for a mammotome procedure.
Thankfully, my attending physician wrote a medical certificate granting me two months of sick leave, which allowed me to rest.

In early April, my breast tissue test came back with no issues.
But suddenly, my thyroid became the problem.

The first fine needle aspiration test suggested observation.
However, the second test confirmed cancer.

Words like “special case for medical cost reduction” and “severe illness” suddenly hit me hard.

Fortunately, I was already on sick leave, so I was able to undergo surgery and be discharged without complications.
Today marks my third day after discharge.


Overlapping Sick Leave and Confusion

The hospital where I had my thyroid cancer surgery issued a medical certificate allowing up to three weeks of rest, including hospitalization.

But since I was already on sick leave, the overlapping period worked against me.

Looking at the certificate, which was valid until May 11, my mind became complicated.

If I simply return to work on May 1, combining my regular days off and postponed training, the number 11 makes sense.

I wondered if I really needed to apply for additional leave.


Healing vs Reality

I needed time for my surgical wound to heal.
Even though I felt some regret, I knew I had to go back to work.

I visited the hospital where I had my mammotome procedure and expressed my gratitude for discovering my thyroid cancer.

At the same time, I requested a medical certificate stating that I am able to return to work.

It read:

“Fit for daily life, fit to return to work.”


This Is Just the Beginning

This is just the beginning.

2026년 4월 26일 일요일

Two Days After Thyroid Cancer Surgery: A Walk, Fatigue, and Quiet Resolve

 

A Subtle Fatigue After Discharge

It has been two days since I was discharged after undergoing a hemithyroidectomy for thyroid cancer. Maybe it’s just in my head, but I feel more tired than usual.

A Walk That Turned Longer Than Expected

Feeling cooped up at home, I went for a walk in the mountains. It’s usually a short up-and-down route, but the weather was so nice today that I ended up doing a full loop.

Along the way, I noticed caterpillars dangling from thin strands of silk, hanging in the air. Not just one or two—almost every few steps, there they were. It looked like they were slowly making their way down from the treetops to the ground. Whenever I came close, I instinctively paused. If I brushed against them even slightly, they would cling to my clothes, and I had to flick them off with my hand.

A little girl walking with her mom nearby kept whining that she didn’t want to go up the mountain because she was scared of the bugs. It was oddly adorable.

Watching those caterpillars struggle to survive in their own way made me think—I should endure just as firmly.

The Anxiety of Returning to Work

My return-to-work date is approaching. I can’t help but wonder if I’ll be able to work with the same physical strength as before. Other patients seem to go back to their routines as if nothing happened, commuting and working normally. I tell myself I shouldn’t become weak.

But when I think about facing all kinds of stress again, I feel a dull headache creeping in. Still, somehow, things will work out. I still have time. I should push down these uncomfortable emotions. After all, nothing is worse than cancer.

Appetite Changes and Small Observations

By the time I got home, two hours had already passed. I had skipped breakfast because I had no appetite, but I forced myself to eat a little for lunch so I could take my medication. I never had a big appetite to begin with, but now it has decreased even more.

I had a green tea latte while walking, but I couldn’t finish it. The ice melted in the warm weather, and I ended up bringing it back home as it was.

Recovery and Quiet Reassurance

Now that the cancer has been removed, there is no cancer left in my body. It’s almost fascinating how my body feels a little better each day. Other than the final pathology results next month and a follow-up outpatient visit, there are no major issues.

Small Lessons from Everyday Moments

On the way to a café, I saw a very young child walking with her mom. She tripped and fell while walking alone. But instead of crying, she simply brushed herself off and stood up as if nothing had happened. She might have cried if her mom had rushed over, but she stayed strong and got up on her own.

From a child who didn’t even scrape her knees, I learned something about composure.

Another Day Will Come

The sun is setting now. Today is coming to an end, but tomorrow will bring another new day.

2026년 4월 25일 토요일

The First Walk After Discharge — Back to Everyday Life

 

A Morning That Feels Different

I woke up in the morning, took my medication on an empty stomach, and had breakfast.
At the hospital, meals and medication were always taken care of. Now, I have to manage everything on my own.

My First Walk After Leaving the Hospital

The weather was nice outside.
For the first time since being discharged, I went out for a walk.

It felt like the transition between spring and summer—warm, yet slightly hot.
Maybe because it was Saturday, there were quite a lot of people along the walking path.

Dandelion seeds floated in the air like snow, carried by the wind.
They seemed to be drifting aimlessly before settling somewhere.

Before I was admitted, cherry blossoms were in full bloom.
Now, they are nowhere to be found.
Instead, the forest has turned lush and green.

In the middle of winter, the trees were bare.
Seeing them now, full of life, feels quietly remarkable.

Sitting Still, Watching Others Move

The sunlight was gentle, so I sat quietly on a bench in a forest park.

There were hikers just starting their climb,
dogs walking down the trail with their owners,
and people like me, simply sitting and resting.

Everyone was filling their time in their own way.

Returning to Daily Life After Surgery

After being hospitalized, undergoing surgery, and getting discharged,
I have finally returned to my everyday life.

Home is definitely the most comfortable place.

I have an outpatient appointment next month,
and I was prescribed quite a lot of medication.
Taking them on time is a bit of a hassle,
but at least the number of pills is manageable.

A Small Wish

If I have one wish,
it’s that my surgical wound heals well.

I haven’t seen it yet.
The nurse told me it can be uncovered in about a month.

I haven’t told my parents about the surgery,
so I keep my neck covered at home.

It’s not uncomfortable,
but I don’t know how long I can keep it hidden.

I just hope the scar fades well before then.

Slowly Getting Better

Before returning to work at Coupang,
I need to recover as much as possible.

As time passes, I do feel myself getting better.
That alone feels like a relief.

Everything Will Be Okay

Everything will be fine.
I shouldn’t worry too much.ㅍ

2026년 4월 24일 금요일

Thyroid Cancer Surgery Discharge Diary: First Day Back to Daily Life

 

Discharge Day After Thyroid Cancer Surgery

I completed my discharge process. With my final outpatient visit, my one-week hospital stay finally came to an end.

The drainage tube connected to my neck, where I had surgery, had already been removed the day before. As the doctor slowly pulled the tube out, I felt a strange sense of relief.

The bandage covering my wound was removed, disinfected, and carefully replaced. The doctor’s expression remained neutral, as if this was just another routine task.

The IV needle in my left hand and the remaining tubes were also removed. I finally felt free.


Leaving the Hospital

After a short outpatient appointment, I returned to the ward. I realized I had packed more than I thought. There was quite a lot to take back home.

I changed out of my hospital gown. It felt like I was finally removing the label of being a patient.

At the lobby on the first floor, I settled my hospital bills and received medication for the upcoming days until my next visit.

I was admitted on a sunny day, and I was discharged on a sunny day. That alone made everything feel a little less heavy.


Back Home, Back to Myself

Once I got home, I carefully wrapped my neck and took a light shower. I even washed my hair.

It felt refreshing. Clean. Like I was slowly returning to myself.

The doctor only approved three weeks of medical leave, including the surgery date. I asked if it could be extended, but the answer was firm.

“No.”

I didn’t cry during the surgery. But something about that cold, unwavering response made my emotions break.


Thoughts About Returning to Work

My leave lasts until May 11. But honestly, I’m thinking it might be better to just go back to work on May 1.

Back in March, I had a mammotome procedure and planned to rest until the end of April. But then, unexpectedly, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer.

Half of April was spent going back and forth to the hospital, dealing with anxiety, surgery, and recovery.

My doctor has always been a bit cold. From the very first meeting, consistent—almost like an AI.

It’s not blame. I understand. With so many patients, emotions must be set aside.

Still, I had a thought while showering.

“Maybe I should just go back to work like usual. I’ve rested enough.”

I’m trying to gather my inner positivity.


A Quiet Resolution

“You did well. That must have been hard. But the cancer is gone now. Don’t let small things stress you anymore.”

That’s what I keep telling myself.

2026년 4월 23일 목요일

Thyroid Cancer Surgery Recovery Day 4 — Small Joys Before Discharge

 

Day 4 After Surgery, Feeling Better Each Day

It has already been four days since my thyroid cancer surgery.
I’m honestly surprised at how quickly my body is recovering day by day.

I had been struggling with constipation until yesterday, but this morning I finally felt relieved.
All the IV fluids and needles were removed the day before, and now both of my hands feel free again.

While I was having breakfast, my doctor came by and told me that they would call me later in the morning to remove the drainage tube.

The moment that once felt so far away — discharge — is now getting closer.
This Friday, I will finally be free from the hospital.

Of course, I may still need outpatient treatment for a few more weeks.


A Small Happiness in Hospital Meals

At this hospital, patients can choose their meals.
For breakfast, I had a croissant sandwich, and it was surprisingly delicious.

I’ve already ordered French toast for tomorrow morning.
Even in a hospital, small choices like this bring unexpected joy.


A Shared Space, Unspoken Emotions

I am currently staying in a five-person hospital room, recovering from surgery.

A new patient was admitted to the bed across from me — an Asian woman married to a Korean man.
From behind the curtain, I could hear the nurse carefully explaining the surgical consent forms.

It made me feel strange.

There are so many sick people in a hospital.
I often notice other thyroid cancer patients who look similar to me.

We don’t speak to each other, but somehow, through our eyes,
I feel a quiet sense of empathy and solidarity.

Maybe it’s just my imagination.
But it feels real.


Sharing Sweetness, Sharing Gratitude

I bought a few snacks from the hospital store as a small indulgence.

My doctor told me,
“You can eat anything after surgery, but don’t eat too much.”

I don’t really have much of an appetite, so I’m only eating about half of what I usually would.

Sometimes I crave something sweet, maybe because I feel a bit empty inside.
But even then, I can’t finish it all.

So instead, I started sharing.

With the nurse who changes my IV.
With the cleaning staff who keep the room tidy.

It’s nothing big — I just wanted to give something back.
A small way to express my gratitude.

And maybe, if we share it together, it won’t turn into extra weight either.


Before Discharge, Holding My Thoughts Together

It’s currently 9:50 in the morning.
I want to spend the rest of my time here meaningfully and even enjoy it.

Sometimes, sad thoughts come to mind.
But nothing has actually happened yet.

Still—

I lost half of my thyroid.
And I lost my boyfriend too.

Goodbye, everything.

2026년 4월 22일 수요일

Thyroid Cancer Surgery Recovery Day 3: Constipation, Hospital Life, and Emotional Changes

 

Day 3 After Thyroid Cancer Surgery: Small Changes in My Body

It has been three days since I was hospitalized last Sunday and underwent thyroid cancer surgery.
After the surgery, I developed constipation. It’s not exactly painful, but it feels uncomfortable.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t been drinking enough water. I should make an effort to stay hydrated whenever I remember.

I went to bed early last night and had a deep sleep. My body feels noticeably lighter today.
The pain in my throat is also improving hour by hour. I’m relieved that my recovery seems to be progressing quickly.


Life in a Shared Hospital Room

I am staying in a five-person hospital room, and there are four patients including me.
There are also caregivers and guardians, so it feels quite crowded.

Everything is fine, except that some people are quite noisy.
They talk a lot, all day long.

Should I also start talking like them?

Aside from the chaotic environment, I am satisfied with my hospital life.
I eat all three meals well, and surprisingly, the hospital food is quite good.
I even find myself looking forward to tomorrow’s sandwich.


Seeing Others, Changing Perspective

While using the hallway restroom and leaving my meal tray outside,
I looked up and noticed other patients.

Everyone here must be sick in some way.
I also see nurses moving quickly, taking care of multiple patients.

Because of them, I am able to receive treatment safely.


Emotional Changes During Recovery

Being sick reduces my emotional capacity.
I become more sensitive and easily irritated.

But this is part of the healing process.
I need to soften my mindset.

I realized that I haven’t truly loved myself,
and maybe that’s how I ended up like this.

I am trying to reconcile with myself.
We haven’t fully reached an agreement yet,
but I am slowly reaching out my hand.

It will take time.


Trying to Focus, Even a Little

I brought three books to the hospital, thinking I would read them.
But every time I try, I can’t concentrate well.

Maybe there are too many thoughts inside me.

Still, I’m glad that I’m writing, even if it’s just a little.


Getting Closer to the End

Tomorrow, my drainage tube will be removed.
The breathing therapy I used to do three times a day has already been replaced with medication.

I can see the finish line now.

It’s currently 11:07 AM.
I’ll make the most of the remaining time, stay positive, and go home soon.

2026년 4월 21일 화요일

Thyroid Cancer Surgery Day 2 Recovery Journal: First Meal, Pain, and Gradual Improvement

 The Day After Surgery: Discomfort and Fasting

I was admitted on Sunday afternoon and underwent thyroid cancer surgery around 10 a.m. the next day.
After the anesthesia wore off, every time I swallowed, it felt like something was stuck in my throat. It was uncomfortable and unfamiliar.

On the day of surgery, I had to endure complete fasting, not even water was allowed.
It was the moment I truly realized how important a single meal is.


First Meal After Fasting

Finally, on Tuesday morning when fasting was lifted, breakfast was delivered to my room after 7 a.m.

The menu included white porridge, beef radish soup, seasoned balloon flower root, finely chopped meat with cucumber, and refreshing water kimchi in small dishes.

The main dish was a thick piece of hairtail fish. It looked so big and delicious that it almost felt like I was in Jeju Island.
Milk was also served as dessert.

I was hungry, but I didn’t have much appetite, and swallowing was still uncomfortable, so I couldn’t eat much.
Still, after the meal, I could feel my condition improving significantly.


Medication and Small Movements

For my morning medication, I only had to take one pill, which was a relief.
While I was doing breathing therapy for my throat on my own, I heard the curtain open.

A nurse handed me a capsule and told me to take it at 10 a.m.
So far, I was thankful that I didn’t have to take many medications.

Yesterday, I only got up to use the bathroom because of the pain.
But today, I went down to the radiology department for an X-ray and also met my doctor.

If everything goes well, I may be discharged this Friday.


Small Discomforts in Daily Life

I’m someone who usually keeps very clean, but after surgery, even washing my hair became difficult.

Although there was some fine dust, the weather cleared up again.
I started eating a sausage bread I had been craving, tearing it into small pieces with chopsticks.

I also drank some Pepsi. It may have lost some carbonation, but still, nothing beats the taste of the real world.


Gradual Recovery and Emotional Stability

Swallowing is still not completely comfortable, but it has improved a lot compared to the beginning.
I am slowly getting better.

For some reason, I feel reassured.
This situation doesn’t feel entirely negative anymore.

Sometimes, sudden waves of anxiety come over me, but they pass quickly.


Day 2 After Surgery: Definitely Better

Anyway, this is day 2 after thyroid cancer surgery.
I feel much better than day 1, and I believe I will continue to improve.

To anyone reading this, I want to give you courage.
If I could do it, you can do even better.

2026년 4월 19일 일요일

The Day Before Hospitalization for Thyroid Cancer: A Record Before Surgery

 

Thyroid Cancer Diagnosis and Quick Hospitalization

In March, the thyroid that had been under follow-up observation turned out to be cancer. I received a confirmed diagnosis from the third and final fine needle aspiration biopsy. I consider myself somewhat fortunate. After the diagnosis, it did not take long—about a month—to proceed with treatment and hospitalization.

An Ordinary Day Before Hospitalization

The weather is bright and clear. At the vague boundary between spring and summer, the breeze feels cool. I packed a bag full of necessities for the hospital and left home. I had a bowl of cold naengmyeon with my older sister and also drank a cup of instant mix coffee at the restaurant. The hospital I go to has convenient transportation. It is optimized for patients and drops you off right in front of the hospital.

Admission Process and Hospital Atmosphere

At 2 PM, I completed the admission process. “Would you like a window-side bed?” The staff guided me to a spot near the window so it wouldn’t feel stuffy. On Sunday, the first-floor lobby of the hospital was quiet and not crowded. Some patients in hospital gowns were sitting on chairs or walking around.

Two Surgeries Within a Month

Last month, I had a mammotome procedure, and now I am back on the operating table again within a month. It feels strange. I still can’t quite believe that I have thyroid cancer. At least it is in the early stage, and I will be okay after surgery.

Pre-Surgery Preparation

After arriving at the room, I changed into a hospital gown. I put down my belongings, used my phone for a while, and then turned on my laptop. A nurse explained the hospital guidelines, and the anesthesiologist provided precautions for sedation. My surgery was scheduled for Monday at 10 AM. I had to start fasting from midnight. If the surgery goes well, everything will be fine.

Quiet Time in the Hospital Room

The hospital room is quiet, and a cool breeze comes in through the window, which makes me feel at ease. My sister stepped out for a moment to buy ice cream from the convenience store. I’m not sure if the mix coffee I had earlier feels heavy, but I keep craving something cold.

The Reality of Facing Surgery

I also completed the surgical consent form. I received information about the surgery, had my ears and nose checked, and underwent an ultrasound examination. The doctor marked the surgical area with a pen. It finally feels real that I am actually going to have surgery.

A Quiet Breakup, and the Strange Calm That Followed

 Your calm words about ending things actually made me feel relieved.

It was selfish, but I felt fortunate that I didn’t have to tell you about my illness and hospitalization.

“It’s my fault.”

You were the one who chose the breakup, but it was also for me.

My past breakups were always unkind and cold. Like in song lyrics, they came suddenly without even a proper goodbye.

So your words felt like a new experience to me.

“Thank you. Take care.”

As if we had promised, we said the exact same words. I cried, but you didn’t.

That night, I must have fallen asleep after tossing and turning, quietly sobbing all night. When I opened my eyes, it was already dawn. I hadn’t slept well, but strangely, I felt refreshed. Just a few hours ago, I had been crying.

There’s a drama these days called Yumi's Cells. It shows different emotional “cells” representing the main character’s feelings and leading the story.

It feels like my emotional cell has gone into a long winter sleep.

There’s no way my thoughts could have been fully sorted out in such a short sleep.

While writing this, my emotions were overwhelming, but now I feel okay.

I wondered if you slept well. Did you wake up as if nothing had happened and start your new daily life?

I lowered my head because I couldn’t watch you turn around and walk away after letting go of my hand.

There were times when I couldn’t take my eyes off you, even on a moving subway or bus. Now even that feels like a luxury.

Will I regret my choice not to hold onto you?

As I organized the messages and photos on my phone, I watched our love disappear along with the delete button.

Is this how breakups happen in an instant?

Even as I get older, breakups are still difficult.

“Eat well, and stay healthy.”

Now that we are middle-aged, we worried about each other’s physical strength.

I can almost hear your voice imitating my soft way of speaking.

2026년 4월 18일 토요일

The Day I Let You Go on a Beautiful Spring Afternoon

 I once had this thought.

“What if we break up without getting married? Let me only be a little sad.”

My unconscious turned into reality.

Today, we met like any ordinary couple. We had lunch, went to a café, and enjoyed chatting. Since you like walking, I followed you around, holding your hand as we wandered.

While eating, you kindly put food onto my plate. At the café, you recommended a delicious drink and made me laugh.

It was a slightly chilly but beautiful spring day, and we spent it together.

We sat on a bench with a nice view in the forest and talked. After some hesitation, you said to me,

“I think we should stop seeing each other.”

I felt anxious because I couldn’t clearly picture our future. Still, I liked you, so I couldn’t let go of the end of our relationship.

“Okay.”

You asked if I had anything to say to you, but I couldn’t answer. With tears in my eyes, I gently touched your face, knowing I might never see you again. Your warmth hadn’t faded, but I accepted the breakup.

“You’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

I swallowed my tears and spoke word by word. I truly hoped things would go well for you. If things go well, could we meet again someday?

“Thank you for everything. I’m sorry if I made things hard for you. Take care.”

After I said that, you couldn’t get up for a while and just sat there. I suggested we stand up together, but we couldn’t.

Fluffy clouds floated in the sky, and sunlight shined through them.

On such a beautiful day, I broke up with you.

Looking at you, who gave kindness and warmth to my sensitive and anxious life, I kept tearing up.

What would have happened if I had held onto you?

When I got home, it was quiet. Very quiet. The books, dolls, and small gifts you gave me were piled up.

What did I ever do for you? I felt sorry.

There are still so many things I haven’t told you, but we ended like this.

I’m sad that I won’t be able to celebrate your upcoming birthday. Still, I’m relieved you didn’t know about my thyroid cancer.

I hope you’re not too sad. Let’s both learn how to handle this breakup bravely.

Of course, I’ll only be a little sad.

I won’t forget your bright smile and your eyes. And I’m grateful for everything that protected me during that time.

My journey of letting you go begins now.

2026년 4월 11일 토요일

How Home Baking Helped Me During Sick Leave (Butter Rice Cake & Glutinous Bagel Story)

Home Baking During Sick Leave

During my sick leave, I found comfort in a simple hobby — home baking.

When I was working at Coupang, I used to share what I baked with my coworkers. Now that I’m resting, I don’t have many people to give them to. Instead, I share them with my sister’s colleagues or my mom’s acquaintances. Somehow, desserts taste better when shared.

Why Home Baking Feels So Meaningful

I once dreamed of opening my own café. It’s still a vague idea, and it doesn’t necessarily have to happen. Baking at home is enough to make time pass quickly.

But home baking is not easy. Do you know why bakery goods are expensive? Because they include time, effort, and care.

Freshly baked bread tastes the best. But bread the next day, slightly matured, has a deeper flavor that’s hard to forget. That’s why I keep baking.

Butter Rice Cake and Glutinous Bagels

Recently, I made butter rice cake again. It was my second attempt, and I used up all my glutinous rice flour.

I had also made glutinous bagels the day before, so the ingredients ran out faster than expected.

One thing I realized is that bakeries are expensive not only because of labor but also because of ingredient costs — flour, sugar, milk, and eggs all add up.

The Texture Difference with Glutinous Rice Flour

Glutinous rice flour creates a unique texture.

Compared to regular wheat flour, it adds chewiness and elasticity. The bread stays softer longer and doesn’t dry out as quickly.

I’ve tried almond flour and whole wheat flour before, but glutinous rice flour gives a texture that’s hard to replace.

Small Changes in Life

While baking, I also started preparing for my hospital stay. Hospitals can be very dry, so I ordered a humidifying mask and bendable straws.

After being diagnosed with thyroid cancer, my perspective has slowly changed.

Maybe this experience is telling me to slow down and take better care of myself.

A Small Bakery at Home

Home baking always ends with cleaning. After organizing the messy kitchen, I carefully pack the desserts I made.

For a moment, my home feels like a small bakery café.

That’s why I continue home baking.

2026년 4월 10일 금요일

“Thyroid Cancer Diagnosis: The Moment a 900 Won Bill Changed Everything”

 "I'll charge you 900 won."

The staff said it kindly as I paid for my hospital visit.

Before being admitted, I went through a series of tests—blood work, an ECG, a pulmonary function test, X-ray, and CT scan.
The day I came back to hear the results, I paid the bill. It was only 900 won.

It should have been at least 20,000 won.
That was the moment it truly hit me—I had become a patient.

The fine-needle biopsy confirmed it: thyroid cancer.
It seemed my condition had been registered as a severe illness under national health insurance. Even my previous hospital bills were reduced.

Should I be grateful for this situation?

"Try digging the ground—does money come out?"
My older sister joked, and I nodded. Every penny matters now.

After days of rain, the sky remained gray.
The cherry blossoms that were once in full bloom had fallen to the ground.
Will they return just as beautifully next year?

My surgery date has been set.
I still haven’t told my parents. Now I have one week left.

I’m not exactly sad, but sometimes my emotions soften.
Then I quickly pull myself together, telling myself it's nothing.

They say thyroid cancer is a "good cancer" with a high survival rate.
But it’s not easy to accept that when it's your own body.
Something inside me has to be removed.
I can live without it, but I would rather have it—like everyone else.

"Do you have any questions?"
The doctor asked during the consultation.

I had many questions, but I chose not to ask.
The real answers would only come after surgery and pathology results.
I didn’t want to say meaningless things.

So I decided to trust the doctor.
Otherwise, I would only suffer more in this moment.

"No, I don’t."

There were no unusual findings.
Now, all that’s left is the surgery.

It’s been over a month since I started my medical leave.
I was supposed to return to work at Coupang, but now I’m facing surgery instead.

They say life returns to normal after the procedure.
Many people like me go back to work and continue their lives.

But how should I explain this situation to my workplace?
My head aches just thinking about it.

Since I’m on medical leave, I expected no salary.
And in reality, there wasn’t any.

But when I checked my March payslip, I was surprised.
A small amount had been deposited—59,360 won after deductions.

It was unexpected, and I felt grateful to Coupang.

Now, I sit alone in Starbucks, writing this.
My mind is complicated, yet my day looks no different from anyone else’s.

I used to be an outsider when I saw people who were sick.
That was true.

Now that I’ve become one of them, it feels both strange and sad.

Still, I think it’s better that I’m the one who’s sick in my family.
I’m still young, and I can get through this.

I’ll be okay.

2026년 4월 9일 목요일

The Quiet Shock of a Diagnosis

 I had a health check-up every year. Nothing was particularly wrong.

Last year, the only issue was multiple cysts found in my breast, so I underwent a mammotome procedure.

That was also when I became aware of my thyroid and started regular monitoring.
I never imagined that a thyroid test, done just in case, would end up hitting me like this.

Is this really a silent cancer?
There are no symptoms at all. While working at Coupang, my weight stayed under 50kg.
During winter, I did feel unusually sensitive to the cold.
Was it the stress from working at the logistics center?
Or was it because I couldn’t sleep well?

I find myself searching for every possible cause.
But honestly, I don’t know.

It feels like I’m undergoing tests that have nothing to do with me.

Now that I’m on medical leave, there isn’t much I can do.
For now, treatment and hospital visits come first.
Even though everything has paused, I try to do what I can—housework, home baking as a hobby, and reading books I enjoy.

When I go out for a walk, the day passes by before I know it.
But when I suddenly face my reality, I feel depressed.
When a ballad song plays, my eyes fill with tears.

I feel pathetic.

Did I miss the signals my body was sending me?
Did I push myself too hard?
I keep asking myself these questions.

But I still don’t know.
I don’t know where or what went wrong.

No matter how many times I ask, the answer remains silent.
It has been almost a month since my diagnosis, and my feelings are becoming numb.

There’s nothing I can do about it.

I have to get up and figure out how to survive.
Medical expenses are no joke from now on.
My last paycheck from Coupang was deposited on the 10th of last month.
Now that I’m on medical leave, I have no income.

I need to stay alert.

I’ve already spent hundreds on my credit card for the mammotome procedure.
Being sick only puts me at a loss.

I need to recover as soon as possible.