The Quiet Shock of a Diagnosis

 I had a health check-up every year. Nothing was particularly wrong.

Last year, the only issue was multiple cysts found in my breast, so I underwent a mammotome procedure.

That was also when I became aware of my thyroid and started regular monitoring.
I never imagined that a thyroid test, done just in case, would end up hitting me like this.

Is this really a silent cancer?
There are no symptoms at all. While working at Coupang, my weight stayed under 50kg.
During winter, I did feel unusually sensitive to the cold.
Was it the stress from working at the logistics center?
Or was it because I couldn’t sleep well?

I find myself searching for every possible cause.
But honestly, I don’t know.

It feels like I’m undergoing tests that have nothing to do with me.

Now that I’m on medical leave, there isn’t much I can do.
For now, treatment and hospital visits come first.
Even though everything has paused, I try to do what I can—housework, home baking as a hobby, and reading books I enjoy.

When I go out for a walk, the day passes by before I know it.
But when I suddenly face my reality, I feel depressed.
When a ballad song plays, my eyes fill with tears.

I feel pathetic.

Did I miss the signals my body was sending me?
Did I push myself too hard?
I keep asking myself these questions.

But I still don’t know.
I don’t know where or what went wrong.

No matter how many times I ask, the answer remains silent.
It has been almost a month since my diagnosis, and my feelings are becoming numb.

There’s nothing I can do about it.

I have to get up and figure out how to survive.
Medical expenses are no joke from now on.
My last paycheck from Coupang was deposited on the 10th of last month.
Now that I’m on medical leave, I have no income.

I need to stay alert.

I’ve already spent hundreds on my credit card for the mammotome procedure.
Being sick only puts me at a loss.

I need to recover as soon as possible.